A young colleague of mine, relatively new to the business of opera was finding it hard to balance her personal life with her professional career. She was newly married, so much in love and show business has no compassion for the artist, just for the end product — the production. Her mother died, and there was no time to mourn. I can only teach what I have learned, and what I have gone through.

In this letter to her I explored why being human is far more important than your job. I wrote this letter in 2000, two years before I decided to leave singing and at a time when I began to question everything about my life and career.

Be still and know – you are not your job. So much is talked and written about life work balance, I find oftentimes we need to be unbalanced for a time, to honor our life passages. If you don’t nurture who you are as a human on this earth, you won’t be good for any job, not as a sanitation engineer, not as a teacher, not as a brain surgeon – nor an opera singer.

My dearest Susan (the name is has been changed),
I just moved and am surrounded by boxes and construction. As the dust settles, your e-mail has stayed in my head. What I share now is my experience and we are each on our own path. Perhaps a little of what I say will give you new perspective.

You say you have found your career to be more of a struggle than you believe it should be. I felt the same and yet something kept pushing me on to struggle after struggle. Although I came to the Mecca of Opera in the USA, New York and did the requisite starving for six months — maybe I should’ve lived in a cave and starved longer so I could afford to pay a retainer to the best connected agent in the city and to the best publicist. I didn’t. Unless you have a tenor voice, spectacular or un, or a voice like the real mostre sacree, Joan Sutherland, Pavarotti, Caballe — you need that kind of ammunition, if the Fates do not smile upon you and grant your every career wish. Hindsight is always 20/20!

I have been in this business a lot longer than you, am very tired by the struggle and it’s no longer worth it to me. Yes, I wanted to sing at the Met and La Scala, but the fates decreed otherwise. I have simply let go of it all. Now, I sing something when it pleases me, and I’m asking the universe what else am I to do with the tremendous energy and love I possess. I’m exploring many avenues and have no idea where I may end up — scary, but exciting.

I have sung all over the world, I have met remarkable beings and affected many lives, but you know something? I affect the lives of everyone I meet, whether I sing to them or not. It is my soul that has worth and the voice of that soul, not the applause of a faceless crowd that was lauding a character I created, not me.

I have no regrets. This journey of mine has been about the growth of my spirit. I have become inner-directed. The need — the rapacious hunger for approval and love is gone. The approval and love radiates from within now, filling me with light and without effort sometimes illuminates the path of others as well.

I’m sorry to hear of your mothers passing; life always takes precedence over art. It’s real. The next time someone says the show must go on, ask them, “Why?” They may give you a lot of malarkey about bottom lines, but just ask again, “Why?” I sang in Spain the night my father died, why? Because they couldn’t replace me — what matters more?

The mourning of the loss of someone close to us is real and must be faced or the wound never heals and a deep scar remains. Take all the time you need to heal. As for your wonderful relationship with your husband, the world of show business doesn’t smile kindly on real love. Read Baby Doe’s words to her mother at the party in Douglas Moore’s, The Ballad of Baby Doe. True, all true. And even more true in this fake business where love is simulated 14 times a day, complete with heaving breasts and luminous eyes.

When you don’t know what to do, don’t do anything. Wait, let your heart, not your head guide you. Our hearts know with a deep and sacred knowing. Our mind should be the servant of that heart. Is singing right for you? Only you can answer that. The way will present itself – we often become so busy doing, we become human doings instead of human beings. Be still and listen to the angels that surround you. Ask them for help and guidance or they are powerless to act.

Sometimes we need to perch for awhile at the edge of the abyss, teetering this way and that, until we let go, and voilà! – our heart pulls us in the right direction. That direction is uniquely yours; take time, all the time you need. The answers, and your path, lie within you waiting to be discovered. I promise that is true.

We often become frantic with artificial deadlines. Have faith that your timing will be perfect. For example, the Buena Vista Social Club, the old musicians from Cuba discovered by Ry Cooder, from the ages of 75 to 92 are now playing Carnegie Hall and every other concert hall in the world. Bet they never thought that would happen! In perfect time, all things are possible.

Thank you dear one, for inspiring me to put into words part of my journey. I send many blessings and much love.
As ever,
Adria

Classical Singer Magazine, 6 articles, Adria Firestone

The Balanced Human Being Who Sings (pdf 274 kb)
Classical Singer, March 2004

Una ‘Carmen de setenta metros’ (El Diaro de Ávila)
Diary of Ávila, Spain July 1999

Yesterday at a press conference here in Ávila, Spain, a 15th century walled city, I was asked did I get anything out of being in these ancient walls. There are a couple of paths to take with a question like that – be diplomatic and give a “Come visit Ávila” speech, or say – “Hell, Carmen is Carmen, no matter where it’s set” (even with my back against 70 meters of wall, no matter how historic). Then there’s the part of me that can no longer be suppressed. There is the part of me that says, I’m here to do much more than sing Carmen, it’s a privilege to be within the sacred, and to communicate the high, the divine – the core at the center of the being I have honed for so many years.

Maybe I have come again to “why do I sing”, and now I have a different perspective. There comes a time when either we decide to carry pain with us, or learn from it, and lay the burden down, and walk on. Somehow it’s no longer about the recognition, or lack of it, in singing, it’s a much larger sense of mission.

When I ask myself what do I want, the answer is huge, and yet very simple. I want to be a light on this earth. Even the tiniest ray of light dispels darkness, and I‘ve got amperes of light and power I haven’t even accessed. Why not? Fear of being exposed, vilified and reviled? What’s new? If you’re different – all of the above is part of your path. If you put your head down and close your eyes so that no one can see the brightness there, and baaaaah like the rest of the sheep, you’ll be able to hide in the flock. If you dare to open your eyes, reveal your heart and mind, sing instead of bleat, and dare to try another path – all the self-appointed shepherds will come at you with their staffs.

This morning at breakfast a waiter made a comment that, ‘all the people in Ávila that will come to this arena production know its cold at night, only the stupid Americans don’t dress right’. I’ll admit there was an enormous temptation to pierce him with a withering glare and say, ‘although I speak your language and three others, and you are an uneducated idiot, I’m American’. I didn’t. My Spanish colleagues tried to ease the embarrassment, and I simply let it pass.

This teaching by example is hard – it means, no preaching, but doing and being, all I say I am. Damn, this is tough! It’s hard to see the make-up artists I last saw on the day my father died when I sang that night two years ago in Santander, and not to revisit the pain or the drama, but instead see the distance I have traveled.

We have choice. It’s difficult to stay centered and understand that another’s clinging voraciousness is fueled by insecurity. Difficult to see that I too, wanted to be “loved” by a faceless crowd and it doesn’t make it any better that I was more skilled at hiding the blaze of my ambition. What a challenge to release the outmoded definitions of myself. What restraint is required not to humiliate a prejudiced, narrow person, and instead choose to live the compassion I preach. It is a Herculean task to stay centered and know that it is how I do these performances that matters, not the performances themselves. It is how I interact with the souls around me that leaves a positive imprint.

But then, how would I look in sheep’s clothing? A simple, neutral wool, maybe cut on the bias?

Lousy.
July 6 1999, Ávila, Spain

Classical Singer, Vol 13 No.1, January 2000

How do I project sensuality on stage … and feel good about it?

In response to a recent letter, Adria Firestone, a mezzo specializing in the role of Carmen, detailed her in-depth approach to role study.

Dear Miss Firestone:

I have been having some difficulties with Carmen, for a few reasons. Roles like Rosina and Cherubino are lots of fun, and easy for me to relate to. But with Carmen, I have a few blocks. I come from a very conservative, traditional family and I have grown up with many of those traditions programmed into my head.

As a result, Carmen is a character I have trouble relating to. When I sing, I feel as if I am faking it completely. And the funny thing is, I don’t see Carmen in a bad light at all – I actually admire her! I admire her honesty, her independence, and the complete joy with which she lives each moment. But her sexuality and sensuality and her confidence in her body are aspects I don’t find in myself.

I was actually in the chorus of Carmen when you did it here a couple of years ago (it was my first opera!), and I remember thinking how much I admired and was in awe of your Carmen. I hope to feel like that about Carmen some day. How do you approach her character? Maybe it will help me to break through to my own version of Carmen. I appreciate any insight you might have for me!

Thank you so much, Priti Ghandi

Dear Priti: This may be a longer reply than you expected, but your inquiry comes at an opportune moment. I have been asked so many times and in so many interviews: Who is Carmen? How do you play a character like Carmen? Well, here goes, and keep in mind that this is highly subjective – it’s my way, not the way.

First, with any character I play, I must find some link with my own person. That link becomes the skeleton of the character upon which I put flesh and form. With Carmen, the link for me was her lust for freedom – the same freedom that burned at my core – freedom denied me by my parents. Like you, I was raised in a very strict home, in my case, Italian-Spanish. As an only child I was so suffocated and watched-over, that I literally escaped to the world of theater.

Carmen is the first liberated woman in opera. She is so honest and straightforward. Even in today’s world that kind of directness is keenly admired. So often – perhaps usually – we don’t say what we mean. Carmen always says what she means. She doesn’t care if she is liked or approved of by society. Her law is an internal one, her own code. She is inner-directed and therefore that much more powerful an archetype.

Her physical exuberance is simply a reflection, an extension, of her emotional self. She seems to me to be a natural dancer, much like I was as a child. I took tap, ballet, invented my own brand of flamenco, and always danced around the house. As an actress, that freedom of moment has helped my expressiveness immeasurably. Why not try a few classes in salsa to loosen the loins and hips? What about a few lessons in flamenco – great for your posture, no matter what role you are doing! And then there is yoga, my centerline for everything. All of these disciplines help make the body a very finely tuned and responsive instrument – absolutely necessary for any actress or singer. Strength and centering are a great foundation.

Speaking of the physical – where is Carmen’s center? Every character has a basic center in the body. For me, Carmen’s center is her loins – her deep connection to the living earth. A note must be added here. A character is a living creation, and like any living thing, capable of change and growth. The center of the character may change as your knowledge of the character deepens. Amneris, for example, has a terrible conflict between her heart and her head. This for me is expressed in her arms and the noble set of her head. This is the vital internal makeup that makes a role come alive.

It is also vital to the success of any character you play that you are honest with yourself about your assets and your liabilities. That may sound easy, but consider the magnitude of: “Know thyself.” There is no way I would consider doing Cherubino, although I can sing all the notes. There are at least 100 singers who can play him better. I must be able to relate to a role in some way, even though far-removed, like Prince Orlovsky or Madame Flora. As a young performer, experimenting with roles helps one learn just where one is comfortable or not, so this is not meant as a discouragement — only some future food for thought.

Perhaps a partial solution to your dilemma is to divest Carmen of the pseudo-sexuality that surrounds her, and work from the inside out. Carmen is not a sexual vamp, a prostitute or a nymphomaniac. Her sexuality is not found in hands-on-hips, lots of cleavage or legs akimbo. Carmen’s sex is in the proud tilt of her head, the directness of her gaze and the pecho or ‘chest,’ the area between the clavicles and the solar plexus, that she so boldly offers the world. This is the proud stance of the flamenco dancer, the gypsy. Not a Disney gypsy, but the real European gypsy: feral, fiercely proud, willing to do anything to protect their own and to survive. Carmen’s sexuality is in her brain; it’s in the way she thinks. Her sexiness is in her joie de vivre, her strength, her valiant spirit and the courage with which she lives the life she believes in – la vie errante. She walks the talk!

Carmen has her own laws and she leaves Jose for another man. Why? She has lost respect for a man who does not possess or respect himself. Another link for me – I cannot love a man I do not respect. Jose can’t handle her honesty – see Act III, “Chien e loup ne font pas longtemps bon menage” (Wolf and dog do not make lasting liaisons). Read all the dialogues, know every character’s lines. Read the Merimee novella, but keep only the trance and the milieu – remember, this is Bizet’s Carmen, and a Frenchmen’s view of Spain. Read Maya Angelou’s entire poem “Phenomenal Woman” – that’s Carmen.

It’s the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth
The swing of my waist
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.

Watch Carlos Saura’s film of Carmen; observe the posture and attitude of the dancers. I remember Saura telling me in rehearsal in Italy: “Cadera por el suelo (hips on the floor). Don’t point your toes. She’s a gypsy, not a trained dancer.”

Pay attention to the music and the key changes. It’s a masterpiece, and each time you look at it you will discover new delights and complexities. The quick 16th note repeated pattern at Carmen’s entrance – change the rhythm, slow it down, and what have you got? The death motif – even from her first entrance. Feel the inexorable, forward movement of the death march in the Card Aria. Notice Jose’s pleading, lyrical lines in Act IV, and Carmen’s resolute, terse replies. Ask yourself, “Why does she still have Jose’s ring?

Escamillio has enough money to buy 20 rings – why does she keep that ring?” It’s hard to don the guise of another, to experiment with a character, to risk exposing your dark side or your softness on stage. But only with that risk, that ‘‘pushing the envelope” does your art grow. You will discover that some roles will never suit you, others will fit like a glove.

Even as child the big archetypal characters felt natural to me. Only now do I have the depth of character and enough confidence to show my own vulnerability. Only now can I fill the shoes of the characters that inhabited my imagination so long ago.

Carmen is to be admired. A life force that big, that intense in 1875 had to be killed. Today, a life force like that, if tempered with compassion (a quality Carmen lacks) is to be appreciated and admired. It takes guts to live that truthfully, and that intensely in the moment.

I’m glad you enjoyed my Carmen – but, rest assured, you will find your own, unique gypsy inside of you. With all my heart I wish you a joyous journey of discovery to the treasure of an endlessly fascinating character. In the process, you will be on the most important path of all – the surprising journey to yourself. In transforming and refining ourselves, we are as ripples that touch and affect the world around us, person by person.

With sincere best wishes, Adria

Adria Firestone with Billy Atwell

Guided meditations that take you to a place of beauty and calm: spoken words and world music sounds float you to sleep and awaken you to a glorious new day.

Available from CD Baby

John Cage. Wergo 6159-2, 286-159-2

The music is very contemporary and a setting for poetry by e e cummings. My favorite song in this collection is Experiences on Band 11. It is meditative and zen-like.
Adria

Track 1. Five Songs For Contralto – Adria Firestone / Joshua Pierce
Five Songs For Contralto (231kb) Five Songs For Contralto (462kb)

Track 11. Experiences: II. Solo for voice – Adria Firestone
Experiences II Solo for Voice (233kb) Experiences II Solo for Voice (466kb)

Adria performs the role of Carmen in the Carlos Saura production of Carmen.

Excerpts from one of my master classes.

Adria Firestone performs the Habanera from the Carlos Saura production of Carmen.